I think, therefore I am

Look at me, still philosophizing with the help of Descartes!  I spent time thinking about this idea yesterday - I think, therefore I am.  I have recently gone through phases of varying motivation, and it has been frustrating me.  Some of it relates to changes in medication, but I realized there is more to it than that.

I remember back when I lived in Oregon, going visiting teaching one time and the friend we were visiting said, "I think how hard motherhood is is the best kept secret."  So true.  Now, let me throw in here that I am extremely grateful for children, the opportunity to have them and to raise them.  But, it is hard.  And so is running a household.  And so is trying to do all things I want to do and need to do, like scripture study, reading, and relaxing.  In short, life is hard.  Sometimes I convince myself it is too hard, that I can't do it all.  And I don't mean all as in all the things I could do, just the things that are important to me to do.

But I figured out a secret.  A lot of it is my perception of what needs to be done in relation to myself.  For example, sometimes I tell myself I am just too tired to go clean the bathrooms, put the laundry away, make dinner, do the dishes and then get the kids to bed.  And then I drag myself around wishing I could just be doing something else.  Other days, like yesterday, I decided that I could do everything I needed to with no problem.  And I did.  In short, I believed I was capable and I was.  When I think I am not, I'm not.  Hence, I think, therefore I am.  Now, I think Descartes may have had something else in mind when he said this, but to me, yesterday, it meant that if I think I can, I can. 

I easily discourage myself.  Part of that is in connection to my struggle with anxiety, but I think I can give myself more control than I do.  So, I am going to try my hardest to believe that I can do whatever I need to do and then fit in things I want to do to boot.  I think it will help.  I think my motivation will spike and so will my productivity.  And heck, maybe I will even get myself out of bed at 6:00 every morning like I want to!