Bad word?

Maybe bad word is a little strong, I don't know.  But I have recently developed a love/hate relationship with a word in my vocabulary: Should.  I feel like Should has the potential to cause a lot of damage in our lives. 

For example:

I love my kids.  I really do.  But they are hard.  My husband (who happens to be a psychologist) and I think Jordan has mild ADHD.  A lot of people scoff when we say this, so let me explain.  There is more to ADHD than jumping off the walls.  He doesn't do that.  However, the boy can't focus on anything.  When we ask him to pick something up it takes constant refocusing and reminding.  He can't just enjoy anything he is doing or getting because he is constantly worrying and wondering about what is next.  Along with all of this, he is developing some anxieties that are hard to deal with.  I suppose it is ironic for me to say that because I struggle with anxiety myself.  But he is going through another stage of attachment issues - he, for some reason, is terrified that I am going to leave him.  If I go upstairs to put laundry away, for example, he starts shouting, "MOM! MOM!  Where are you??"  And these are just a part of everything going on.  Along with Jordan we have Colette - Jordan Jr.  She follows me around fussing and crying all day - ALL day.  Fortunately we have our easy child Evan in between.  He is so sweet.
I don't mean to sound negative, but I feel a little overwhelmed by these children sometimes.  But, then I had this realization.  One of the reasons I struggle so much with them is that I focus on how I think they should be instead of how they actually are.  So, I feel like Jordan should be able to relax and focus, and so when he doesn't it feels like a bigger deal than it is.  And when Colette follows me around all day I think of other moms whose 2-year-olds play happily with toys while they clean or whatnot.  But, my kids are who they are, and when it comes down to it, I wouldn't change them because along with the bad comes a whole lot of good.  Instead, I need to focus on who they are and make the best of my time with them and encourage, teach and love them where they are at.  And we will all be happier and more relaxed, I am sure.

I think that Should also keeps us from being happy in life.  We all face disappointment, hurt, sadness, anger, and the like.  If we have a "should" attitude, we might approach all these situations as "my life should be different" and therefore get angry, depressed, or resentful.  The truth is that we all have to have trials in life.  We were sent here to learn, grow and prove worthy of greater things.  We can't do that in a perfect "my life should be this way" kind of existence.  Instead, our responsibility is to take what we are given and use it for our good.  If we own our trials, disappointments, hurt and anything else we didn't expect and figure out what we can do with them, I am confident that we will be happy.  I know I need reminding of this often as I face my own life. 

Our home teachers came over last week and reminded us of President Uchtdorf's talk from last General Conference.  In it, he said, "So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don't really matter or determine our happiness.  We do matter.  We determine our happiness.  You and I are ulitmately in charge of our own happiness... Let us...[r]esolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be.  [Let us] resolve to find happiness, regardless of our circumstances."  I am grateful for the reminder because I needed it.